• Author
  • #205418

    My son’s dad and I have been split up for a few years. He has a girlfriend he only met last Halloween and she has been trying to take over with my son since then. She’s saying what he can and can’t do, even at home, making decisions over what his father and I say, and even wants to get custody of my son because she wants kids and doesn’t have any. When I told her that my ex isn’t allowed physical custody due to legal and safety matters I won’t get into, she threatened to beat me up. Any suggestions on getting her to step back?

  • #205438

    Is this a recent post? Regardless, I’d like to give a response. I guess you could say I’m in somewhat of a similar situation, but I would be the “new” girlfriend. We now have a daughter of our own and his son is 5 years old now, living with his mom who is very territorial and I’ve been very weary of minding my business and not stepping on the toes of his mother who deserves respect regardless of anything I may not agree with.. It sounds like this new girlfriend is getting excited because she wants to be an influential person in this kids life, which isnt a bad thing, but only being around for a short amount of time, you have every right to be concerned with how much she says and does. I’d maybe suggest setting boundaries, tailored to what is comfortable for you. If she wants to try and be the kids friend, fine. But anything along the lines of parenting only comes if their relationship as a couple is healthy and progressing to more than just boyfriend/girlfriend, maybe even after marriage. But even then, the role of being a parent should always be facilitated by the parent and any other influences in a kids life from step family should simply be a supportive and respectful relationship in my opinion. There has to be healthy boundaries and we all must remember that we as adults cannot control everything in our kids life, but to simply guide them by setting the example of healthy boundaries and the importance of developing healthy relationships all around.

  • #205440

    And to add to that, the single best thing she could do is be supportive of the kids father on his parenting journey. It’s hard not to want to just step in and start helping out with the hard things but she has to respect your boundaries even if she doesnt agree. If she threatens you, that is a huge red flag in my eyes that she is not a woman I would want influencing my kid.. just my take on that. Anyway, hope this response helped (:

  • #205461

    Yes, this is recent and thank you for your response. At first, I allowed for mistakes with her and kept gently reminding her of the boundaries, but over time, she has gotten worse instead of better and more assertive with rules she wants him to follow. I’m very concerned with her behavior, but not sure what I can do that I already haven’t.

  • #205465

    I agree with Sarah.

  • #205490

    I also agree with Sarah. I’m sorry you are going through this. It’s tough but it’ll work out!

You must be logged in to reply to this topic.