Tagged: dysfuctional family
September 14, 2019 at 11:17 am #242926
January 14, 2020 at 11:43 am #242920
Heres some background: Me and my fiancee have been dating for 8 years. From the beginning, most of his family disliked me for reasons unknown to this day. However, I was determined to be as nice and polite as possible. His Mother would ignore me and would not say hello when I entered a room. But whenever she asked for help or a ride to places I said yes.
His family has struggled financially on and off for the years. About 5 years ago they became homeless. They had started staying with other family of theirs but after months of dissagreement they were kicked out over a heated argument.
Since my family had just moved into a new place, but we left the previous home a few weeks early, my future brother in law asked if my family could let his mother stay at the old place since she had no place to go. My family agreed to let his mother stay in the apartment for one week. However his mother kept asking to install cable. My family told her no repeatedly.
After one night of staying there, my mother stops by the old house to get something and low and behold comcast is in the living room installing cable! Also our mail is OPEN on the dinning room table! We immediatly asked told her she could no longer stay there. We offered to trasnport her and all her belongings for her. But she had to go. Turns out she was able to stay with another brother in law.
For this reason, my fiancee’s family officaily wants nothing to do with my family and they dislike me even more than before.
Me and my fiancee have a 8 month old daughter. The family literally showed up for the last 20 minutes of the baby shower. They never came to the hospital to visit her even though she was in the NICU and had to stay for a week. They insisted that after she was born that they would only see her at their apartment which they smoked in. My daughter has Laryngomalacia which is a breathing problem and they got mad when I refused to bring her there. Even though I offered to take them out to dinner to meet her and gave them an open invitation to my home.They got mad when I asked them to wear a face mask and a blanket when holding my newborn They insisted they stopped smoking and cleaned the house and I found out that was a lie. Then, when they did meet her, her aunt kissed her mutliple times on the face after I asked her not to.
The same aunt has only seen her twice. She is now asking to take my daughter out and insist that me and her father not be there; which I find crazy. Who ask to take someones baby and does that. When I told her I would feel more comfortable with her hanging out with my baby more with either parent present first she replied “I dont need a babysitter.” She clearly doesnt respect boundaries or my wishes in regard to my child.
I want my daughter to have a relationship with the other side of her family but they seem either uninterested or overbearing; no in-between.
When I bought the situation up to mt fiancee he said that shes her aunt and she has every right to be with her alone.
What should I do? I have no energy left to fight his family and I just want my daughter to be safe and taken care of the way I request.
July 16, 2020 at 3:36 am #340169
I am simply speechless.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with this! How does your fiancee react to all this? Is he supportive? Im flabbergasted.
July 17, 2020 at 11:17 am #340904
Trust your instincts. No one but you has any right to spend time alone with your child. If you’re totally fine with it, then great, but no one can use that argument against you. Good luck with the rest of the chaos, it sounds like a lot of fun.
July 21, 2020 at 7:27 am #341678
You are her mother…you know what is best for her. So stand your ground and dont feel bad about anything you hear from them.
July 30, 2020 at 1:17 pm #344636
trust your instincts
August 5, 2020 at 2:37 am #346203
follow your heart
September 6, 2020 at 12:43 am #345583
You know what’s best. Your daughter comes first.
September 24, 2020 at 10:05 pm #364889
Trust your gut! I get along fine with my mother in law, and I won’t let her take my oldest without me. She is welcome to see her anytime, just not alone. Your reasons are your reasons and should be respected.
September 26, 2020 at 2:24 am #365239
I hope things improved with your fiancé’s family. It is very hard to not want to be pleasing but you also can’t sacrifice over and over for what seems to be a negative trait that some may carry, the lack of respect. They should be wanting peace and able to get along and the aunt wanting to “borrow the baby” is just nutty. If you had a close relationship then of course but everyone is trying to play pretends and it is not working. An aunt is fine taking a child but again if there is closeness between the parties involved. There is not and that is the reality. Again, I hope things got better and with COVID (I see you posted in January) you had the right instincts to want them to wear masks and not kiss the baby (which is a no-no even before COVID).
October 17, 2020 at 7:57 pm #375119
For someone who has grown up with some really toxic extended family, I’m sure your daughter would appreciate it if you kept her away from some of them. I still wish my lovely parents protected me more from them and kept me away. I don’t blame them, they were young and wanted me to know them but trust me going to McDonalds and standing outside would’ve been better than that!
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